25. Jealousy, Comparison, and Resentment

This episode talks about how comparison leads to jealousy and resentment.  

It also talks about how to love who God created you to be and live in His plan for your life instead of envying someone else's life. 

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Transcript

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Welcome to Forget People Pleasing. Today we're talking about how comparison and jealousy lead to resentment. When we place too much value on the approval of other people, then we can also begin looking around to see how do we measure up? Is she more successful? Why does she get that opportunity? Why does her marriage look better than mine? Maybe why do her kids look better than mine? Why is she more popular or prettier than I am? All the things that we ask ourselves when we look around and we start that comparison thing. And social media is quite the monster for bringing us into the comparison game. So before we know it, comparison has invited jealousy and resentment into the room. When we don't believe we are enough or that there is enough for us, then we can begin operating from a scarcity mindset. Meaning, if she gets something good, somehow that must mean or it's it equates to there's less available for me. But that's looking at life through the limitation of human resources rather than the abundance of our God. Second Corinthians 9 verse 8 tells us, and God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. That certainly is a different promise than what the world promises us, isn't it? And Ephesians 2, 10 reminds us, for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. And I love this verse because it reminds us that God wasn't confused when he created you. But jealousy can derail us from our own purpose because instead of paying attention to what God has put in front of us, each one of us, we're looking sideways at what everybody else is doing. Envy is traditionally listed as one of the seven deadly sins. And it also happens to be one of the world's favorite marketing tools. Think about the advertising regarding cars or houses or how to get that perfect body or look at this amazing vacation or lifestyle. Wouldn't you be happier if you had that too? Social media can pour gasoline on that fire. It doesn't take much scrolling before we find someone's highlight reel has really triggered us. Maybe they're standing next to their beautiful new car or their handsome hunk of a husband or the new house that they had just purchased that's, you know, a lakefront house or something on the beach. Maybe it's their third house that they've purchased. All of this comparison conjures up that ping of jealousy. We've all felt it. So rather than pretending that jealousy doesn't exist, let's talk about the damage that it does to us. First of all, jealousy causes us to lose sight of our own uniqueness. There is nobody else in this world exactly like you. And let me remind you of the Ephesians 2 verse that I read earlier about how you were specifically made with your opportunities and gifts. Envy blinds us to our own gifts, abilities, opportunities, and yes, even the imperfect parts of ourselves that God can use. And sometimes jealousy sounds like: why can't I look like her? Why can't I have her marriage? Why can't I have her house? Why can't I go on that vacation? And at its root, jealousy often exposes insecurity. And if we're not careful, our comparison can almost become a complaint against God. God, you got it wrong. You should have given me what you gave her. Romans 9 20 says, but who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it? Why did you make me like this? That's a sobering question. Instead of asking God, why did you make me more like somebody else? What if we begin asking God, what do you want to do with the person you created me to be? So being more introspective, seeking what God's plan is for you instead of looking sideways at what God's plan is for other people. The second way that NVD images us is that it divides our attention. We can't fully focus on God's direction for our lives while we're constantly striving for someone else's life. So comparison keeps us looking sideways. Purpose requires us to look forward and seek God for what he has for our lives. It's difficult to notice what God is doing in your own life when you're consumed with what he's allowing in somebody else's. The third way envy damages us is that it wastes our time and energy. Every minute that you spend obsessing over someone else's life is a minute you're not living your own. Ecclesiastes 4, verse 4 says, I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person's envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. Did you ever feel like you were chasing after the wind? I know I have. You can spend years trying to catch something that was never yours to catch. And even if you finally obtain the house, the title, the body, the relationship, or the recognition you envied, you may discover that it still didn't give you what you thought that it would. I have stood in that line too, thinking that that one thing is going to make me feel successful or valuable. A lot of that is steeped in pride, and it's certainly not associated with who we are as children, as daughters of God, and our value in our relationship with God through Christ. And the fourth and final damaging way that envy plays a role is envy can poison our hearts and our relationships. Unchecked jealousy can become a heart issue. And it feeds things like resentment, gossip, bitterness, competition, and even the secret satisfaction we sometimes feel when someone we're jealous of starts to struggle. I've seen this happen in friendships when a woman becomes uh successful or gets more attention, she's excited about what's happening in her life, and probably after a lot of hard work on her part, but instead of celebrating with her, friends begin pulling away and the encouragement tends to disappear. And maybe there's little sarcasms or dismissive comments, and eventually the friendship begins to sour. I just saw this happen with a friend of mine who was working on a particular project. She actually was pretty successful in her launch. And uh she found out, sadly, as sometimes women will be catty. She found out who her real friends were and who I think let jealousy play too huge of a role. And that's why emotional maturity matters. We can feel that ping of jealousy without feeding it. The feeling itself can actually give us wonderful information. We can get curious when we notice, when we we first have to become aware of when we feel that ping of jealousy. So when jealousy does show up, we need to notice it and name it. And instead of feeding it, release it to God. You might simply pray, God, I know I feel jealous right now. So that's the awareness, that's the acknowledgement, that's the accountability. Show me what this is revealing about my heart. Help me trust what you're doing in my life. And then, secondly, after noticing it and praying about it, wanting to release it, then we can practice contentment. Contentment doesn't mean we stop having goals. It doesn't mean we shouldn't want our lives to improve. It means that you can desire growth without resenting someone who already has what you want. Philippians 4 11. I have learned, says Paul, learned to be content, whatever the circumstances. Notice that contentment is something that we practice so that we can learn it. We learn to notice God's provisions. We practice gratitude. We celebrate what He's doing in someone else's life while trusting that their blessing does not mean God has forgotten us or that someone else's success does not reduce your opportunities and someone else's purpose does not compete with the purpose God has given you. So the next time you feel that little ping of jealousy, get curious about it. What are you believing in that moment? What do you think that person has that you need in order to finally feel worthy, successful, secure, or satisfied? And then remind yourself the earthly thing I am envying cannot give me what I'm ultimately looking for. The deepest security we are searching as daughters of Christ isn't found in someone else's life. It's found in our relationship with Jesus. God already created you intentionally. Your job isn't to become her, your job is to faithfully become more of the woman God created you to be.